It was Amy’s first day of first-grade. She had spent hours shopping for the perfect dress, matching purse, and headband. Her enthusiasm for starting school was over-the-top. As she entered the classroom, one of the other students said critically, “Why are you wearing that? You look like you’re going to church.”

In a matter of moments, Amy’s excitement turned to embarrassment and self-consciousness. The words of another 7-year old girl had dampened her spirit and changed her view of this new experience.

Children say hurtful things, and it’s easy to chalk it up to immaturity. And yet, we see the same thing happen in our workplaces every day.

Our choice of words, our tone of voice, and the way we form our messages have a great influence on our  work environment. The words we choose, and our implied or explicit approval of the language used around us, set the tone for the entire workplace. Our environment is viewed as respectful or disrespectful, in large part due to the way we communicate.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

What a silly rhyme.

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“If you don’t want it in the paper, then don’t do it. If you don’t want to be quoted, if you don’t want it repeated, don’t say it. And we might add also, if you don’t want it on your conscience, don’t do it. If you don’t want it in your life at all, then don’t do it. We live in a world of causes and consequences. Our record is always with us. If you don’t want it printed or repeated or to become a permanent part of the record of your life – don’t do it, don’t say it.”

~ Richard L. Evan

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Whether you keep the computers running, manage people or projects, process paperwork, or lead an organization, it’s always about people.

Think about this for a moment. How different would our interactions be if we consistently treated the other person as an individual with worth? A person of significance? What if our actions demonstrated that we truly valued the other person, even if we had a difference of opinion?

It is easy for work relationships to focus only on results, job responsibilities, and performance. I suggest we change that. We can begin by focusing on the individual, rather than the process. We can share the journey, rather than work in silos. We can look beyond the performance, and see the person.

In an organization where we truly value each other and our unique gifts and abilities, we will treat each other as individuals with hearts, minds, emotions, and spirits.

It’s not just about goals and outcomes.

It’s about people.

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Harassment allegations in the workplace usually look like this. One employee makes harassment allegations against another employee. The alleged harasser’s response to the allegations is surprise and embarrassment. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and he feels horrible about it.

Most people who use inappropriate and unprofessional language in the work setting do not set out to offend anyone. They are “just joking,” or teasing. Unfortunately, co-workers who find the language offensive don’t care about the speaker’s intent — they care about the impact of the words. And that usually involves feeling demeaned, disrespected, and very uncomfortable.

When we go to work, we should expect to be treated respectfully by our supervisors and co-workers. Part of that implicit agreement is that we show respectful consideration for each other through our language.

It’s the impact of our words that matter, not the intent.

The issue is respect.

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A true story.

Jill brought a sexual harassment complaint against Joe. Joe was allegedly setting tacks on his female co-workers’ chairs. A second woman brought a complaint against Joe because he was snapping the bra straps of his female co-workers. These were only two of several sexual harassment complaints against Joe. Each allegation was investigated.

The irony? Joe turned around and filed a complaint against the company.  He alleged the company was harassing him by conducting the investigations.

What’s going on here?  Joe has obviously made several women at work very uncomfortable.  And his actions are inappropriate and unprofessional.  His response?  He became the victim.  No sense of responsibility on his part.

Think about the emotional toll this had on the work environment.  The time involved in addressing the situation.  The loss of productivity.

Joe should have apologized.  Stopped the behavior.  But no.  He refused to take responsibility for his actions.  And the anxiety and drama continued until Joe was fired.

Joe’s behavior was a little extreme.  But I bet we can all think of times when we’ve made a mistake, missed a deadline, or offended someone at work.

What was your response?  Defensive?  Blame?  “Not my fault?”  Or did you swallow your pride, learn from your mistake, take responsibility and move on. Your future success depends on your response.

Refusing to take responsibility for your actions can become a character flaw and a career derailer.  It’s a path that leads nowhere.

Accepting responsibility is a character strength and career builder.  It’s a path that leads to success.

It’s your choice.

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My friend, Gina, lost a good friend during high school. At 16 years of age, Jay decided he couldn’t live with the pain of feeling alone and worthless any longer. So he ended his own life. At his funeral, hundreds of people celebrated his life and mourned his death. Gina said later, “What a profound sight to see so many people who cared about this boy who thought he had no one.”

 People all around us have hurts and anxieties that are hidden from daily office routines. We hide our own heartaches and fears in order to keep our work and personal life separate.  We don’t want people to know about our personal hurts and struggles.  So we mask, pretend, or cover-up.

 You may not know that the woman who is taking more than her fair share of free granola bars in the break room hasn’t had a good meal in three days—she’s making sure her kids get fed.  The annoying guy down the hall with the mindless chatter is trying to cover up the pain from his recent divorce.  And the girl who “knows it all” is running away from her own insecurities.

 You know, it’s not always about us and our needs.  Working together requires us to consider and respect the strengths and weaknesses of those we work with.   

 Listen for your co-worker’s unspoken requests for patience and understanding.  Reach out and ask for help when daily responsibilities are a little overwhelming.

 We’re all in this together.

 It’s about people.

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Looking around a coffee shop recently, I saw people of all ages. Some were picking up cappuccinos on a break from work. Others had heads buried over textbooks. I overheard conversations about bosses and co-workers who “just don’t get it.” And I’m sure the guy with the Sunday want ads was praying that this would be the day he’d find the perfect job.

It reminded me that each of us wants pretty much the same things. We want a rich, fulfilled life that focuses on the things that matter most to us. We want to know that our work is valued and meaningful. We want to be respected by our boss and co-workers. We want to enjoy a life that is not consumed by work. We want to make a difference.

In this little blog for big success we will talk about these issues. Success.  Significance.  Living and working with purpose. Ideas for creating more productive and inspired work environments.

Welcome to the conversation.

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ThePathLeader’s Blog  (Laurie Beth Jones)
http://thepathleader.wordpress.com/

Small Business Success (Mark LeBlanc)
http://blog.smallbusinesssuccess.com

Women For Hire
http://blog.womenforhire.com/

Never Eat Alone  (Keith Ferrazzi)
http://nevereatalone.typepad.com/blog/

Seth Godin
http://sethgodin.typepad.com

Ramsey’s Sound & Style (Ramsey Lewis)
http://ramseyssoundandstyle.com/

Bob Burg’s Blog
http://www.Burg.com/blog

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