(Part 3 of 3)

Considering the power of writing and changing my own story has encouraged my spirit and nurtured my soul this week.  The characters and story lines that weave in and out of the chapters in my life book remind me of the significance of each other’s stories.  The need to live intentionally, with purpose, becomes even greater as I take more and more responsibility for my choices and decisions—my stories.

We write our own stories. We do not have complete control over all the story lines, but we can control the actions of our character.  We can become the person we want to be.

I’m concluding this series with more words from Steve Chandler. 

From the Preface of Reinventing Yourself: How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be:

“Most of us today live in cocoons.

“It is dark and dusty inside, and we think we can’t get out.  We tell ourselves stories about the cocoon, but these stories are lies.  They only feel like the truth because they’ve been repeated so often.

“We could tear open the cocoon if we wanted to.  We could push out and see the light of the world.  We could learn to fly.

“The cocoon is known by the name of personality.

“Most people live trapped inside their personalities for their entire lives, never knowing that they can leave.  They are victims of their own invented “selves.”  They wake up each morning to a world that is gray and dusty.  There is almost no light.  Pushing against the inner wall of the cocoon seems too hard. 

“Why bother?  And how can we know for sure if there is anything on the other side?

“But there are people who learn to push through.  They learn to think all over again.  People who take up thinking again learn to fly.  They learn to enjoy taking full possession of their own freedom.  In effect, they reinvent who they are.  And, in the process, they become owners of the human spirit.”

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(Part 2 of 3)

I recently attended a National Speakers Association (NSA) workshop on storytelling.  Jackie Pflug was our guest speaker.  Her story is life changing.

Jackie was on Egypt Air Flight 648 when it was hijacked in 1985.  She was shot in the head, thrown out of the plane, and left for dead on the tarmac.  Her story is not mine to tell, but it is one that you should hear.  I note it here because it so vividly reminded me at a very deep level about the power of our stories.

Bad things happen to all of us.  Some experience tragedy that is beyond comprehension.  An airline hijacking, the death of a child, disease, abuse.  Our book of stories that we thought would end with “And they lived happily ever after” appears to end at the tragedy.  No more words are written. 

Listening to Jackie gave me hope and encouragement that when tragedy strikes, our story does not need to end.  A new chapter begins.  A new story is created, and we have power over how the story is written.  Our book may still not end with “happily ever after,” but it can end with a chapter that uses words like strength,  hope, and forgiveness.

Steve Chandler brings depth and clarity to this topic—believing and telling our stories.  I encourage you to pick up a copy of The Story of You (And How to Create a New One).

My attention is focused this evening on my ability to change my story.  My story is mine to write.  I am its author and editor.  How do I want it to end?

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(Part 1 of 3)

On my A-List bookshelf is The Story of You (And How to Create a New One) by Steve Chandler.  One of my favorite lines is, “…we hold ourselves back by the stories we believe and then tell.”

So true.

What stories do you believe about yourself?  There are hopefully a lot of good ones in your life’s book.  Stories that say you’re a good person, you know how to make smart decisions, you make wise choices, etc.

But unfortunately, many of us have tucked stories into a few chapters that hold us back.  “I’m just not good with names.”  “I’m just so scatter-brained.”  “That’s just the way I am.”  (Really?  That’s just the way you are??)

Once you’ve told a story a few times you start to believe it…live it.  And that’s where you get stuck.

You really believe that that you can’t get organized because (your story) you’re scatter-brained. You’re never on time for meetings because (your story) you’re always late.  You need three people to affirm a decision you’ve made because (your story) you can’t make decisions.  See what I mean?  These stories become your truth.  And you believe there’s nothing you can do to change them.

The stories you believe and tell about yourself hold enormous power over how you live your life.  The good news?  You create your own stories.  If you don’t like the story, create a new one.  Make different choices. Act differently.  Change the beliefs you hold about yourself.  More on this next time.

What stories are holding you back?  What new stories do you want to create?

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Can you relate to this?  Your interview seems to be going well, the connection is good, your answers and examples are articulate and impressive.  You really believe this job is yours for the asking.  And then it happens.  You answer a question and the interviewer’s expression tells you that the conversation took a sharp left and you were leaning right.  Something disconnected.  Rather than looking comfortable, the interviewer looks concerned.

It could be that you have “cast a shadow on the wall” as Randy Pena describes it.  Just as shadows on our bedroom walls scared us as children, something you said made the interviewer a little fearful of hiring you.  (Job seekers, this is something you’ll want to be aware of.)

The phrase “cast a shadow on the wall” was a new one for me.  I’m using it and this posting to introduce you to Randy and his blog, Career Advice by Randy.  To learn more about what makes interviewers nervous, check out his posting,”Companies Almost Always Hire ‘Safest,’ Not Necessarily the Best Candidate.” 

I love discovering bloggers and other writers who teach me something new about our world of work.  Thanks, Randy.

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You want to impress the socks off the manager who’s interviewing you, right?  You want to be noticed.  You want to be the candidate that elicits the “this candidate beats them all” reaction.

But what happens when you think your background isn’t quite good enough?  Perhaps your job titles seem weak—they didn’t really define the full scope of your responsibility.  Or your education isn’t strong enough—you’re only two classes short of completing that degree.  Or your accomplishments seem mediocre—saving the company $5,000 would be more impressive if you added another zero.

This is when you may be tempted to tweak, embellish, or use creative licensing with your resume.  Would it really be that big a deal?  You know you can do the job.  That’s the truth.  Your tweaking simply gives you a better chance to prove that. 

Think twice before you tweak.

Bill Richardson didn’t get away with tweaking, and he’s the governor of New Mexico.  His claim to have been drafted by what is now the Oakland A’s baseball team wasn’t true.  It created a bit of a PR nightmare.  And George O’Leary resigned after five days of being hired as the Notre Dame football coach.  Why?  He claimed he had a master’s degree in education and had played college football for three years.  Neither was true.  It’s quite amazing.  Both of these gentlemen have very impressive resumes and have rightly earned a great deal of respect in their professions.  Their resume tweaking was unnecessary.

So what do you do if you’re tempted to tweak?  Resist.  Follow these suggestions when creating your resume and preparing for your interviews:

1. Always tell the truth.
2. Articulate accomplishments rather than providing a list of job responsibilities.
3. Practice sharing examples—telling your stories—of the work you’ve accomplished.
4. Focus your attention on what the hiring manager needs, and make the strong connection between those needs and your skills and experience.
5. Use your enthusiasm and energy to demonstrate your ability to get the job done.

Yes, stretching the truth to make your background more impressive could help you in the short run.  But the risk and consequences when your embellishments are discovered could be career stoppers.  And that’s not saying anything about your own integrity and character.  It’s not worth it.

Always tell the truth.

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This is a quick note to bring your attention to a webinar this Wednesday, October 21 at 12:00 p.m. CST.  Jill Konrath is teaming up with Faith Ralston to bring a power-packed webinar on playing to your strengths.  Perfect for job seekers and anyone else who wants to stay viable in today’s market.

Here’s a link to register for this event:  http://www.getbacktoworkfaster.com/events/.

You’ll see on the Get Back to Work Faster webpage that more good webinars are scheduled.  Job seekers, I encourage you to make these events part of your job search strategy!  They’re going to be great!

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There are so many good books out there on networking and building business relationships.  Here are a few of my favorites (I mentioned the first few in my Networking series):

Endless Referrals and anything else by Bob Burg

Million Dollar Networking and anything else by Andrea Nierenberg

Net Profit: Business Networking without the Nerves by Kathleen Watson

Never Eat Alone and Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazzi

Who’s Got Your Back by Keith Ferrazzi

You, Inc: The Art of Selling Yourself  by Harry Beckwith and Christine Clifford Beckwith

Be Your Own Brand: A Breakthrough Formula for Standing out from the Crowd by David McNally and Karl Speak

Talking so People Will Listen: You Can Communicate with Confidence by Florence and Marita Littauer

You’ve Only Got Three Seconds: How to Make the Right Impression in Your Business and Social Life by Camille Lavington

Brag! The Art of Tooting your Own Horn without Blowing It by Peggy Klaus

Speak from the Heart: Be Yourself and Get Results by Steve Adubato

 I’m curious…What books have you found helpful as you network and build your business relationships?

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(Part Four in the Networking Series)

Networking is all about developing the relationship.  And the best way to get rid of some of the networking nerves is to focus on the other person.  Make it about him and his needs.

Networking gets easier over time and with practice.  Check out the business section in your local paper to see what networking events are scheduled in your area, what associations relevant to your line of work are meeting, and what clubs or groups that interest you have scheduled events.  Then join them!

With your networking kit in hand and your conversation starters prepared, show up and discover how you can help someone else.  Feel the fear and do it anyway.

If it looks like everyone is already in discussions when you arrive, pick a small group and walk up and say something like,

“I hope it’s OK to join you.  You seem like a friendly group!”

It’s very likely there are people at the event who are more nervous than you are.  So become the person known for reaching out.  Invite others to join your conversation.  Reach out with a smile and handshake to someone who is standing alone.  Be the connector.

My friend Kathleen Watson is a pro at relationship marketing and business matchmaking.  Her book, Net Profit: Business Networking without the Nerves, provides practical tools and action steps for honing your networking skills.  She is also a fabulous networking coach.   She can help you craft your introductions and showcase your skills so clearly that “prospects are standing in line to talk with you.”  Wouldn’t we all love that!

Job seekers, networking is critical to your job search strategy.  Each weekend, identify the networking events you’re going to attend during the next two or three weeks that will connect you with people who can help you with your job search.  Then schedule those events on your calendar.  If you aren’t sure how to create a job search strategy, click here and use “My Weekly Plan for Success.”  I think you’ll find it helpful.

Follow-up is a must to building relationships.  And yes, thank you notes matter.  So when sending the information or making the introduction you’ve promised, use a thank you note that gets remembered.  Bob Burg has a great notecard model.  Using his suggestions, I created a personally designed notecard that looks different from everyone else’s.  And since it has my picture on it, it’s easy for my new friend and colleague to remember who I am.  Click here to learn from the master himself!

Who can you help move forward in their professional goals today?  Who can you help with their job search?  Reach out and make the connection.  Watch for opportunities to build relationships.  That’s what networking is all about.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

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(Part Three in the Networking Series)

If you’re an experienced networker, you probably remember those first few times you tried to start a conversation with someone.  A few stammers, uncomfortable pauses, and the deer-in-headlights look, right?  Eventually, you found your own rhythm and style.

Here’s an easy to remember acronym for what to say and do when you’re meeting people for the first time:  OFPS – “Oh, For Pete’s Sake!”  Corny?  Maybe.  Does it work?  Yes!

O:  Opening lines

“What brought you to this meeting?”

“Have you heard the speaker before?”

“That’s a wonderful jacket.  Where did you find it?”

“Hello.  I don’t think we’ve met.  I’m Gaye Lindfors.  And you are…”

F:  Friendly smile

Everyone naturally respond so a smile and eye contact.  So even if your knees are shaking and your palms are sweaty, smile.  It creates an immediate connection.

P:  Personal interest

After you’ve made a connection with your Opening line, ask the other person about herself.

“What do you do when you’re not at events like this?”

“What do you love about your work?”

“Did you grow up in the area?”

“Do you follow any of our sports teams?”

S:  Small talk

You’ve connected with someone and you’d like to get to know them a little better. A great idea is to pick up on something personal they’ve already mentioned, and ask more about it.

“I recently finished reading Bob Burg’s Endless Referrals.  Have you read it?”

“You said that you grew up in a small town.  Has the town changed much since you left?”

“What types of  movies do you enjoy? I prefer suspense or comedy over science fiction.  What about you?”

You can prepare your conversation starters even before you get to the event.  “Oh, For Pete’s Sake!”  Then show up with your networking toolkit and your questions, and just do it!

Still a little hesitant about getting out there?  It gets easier!  You just need to practice.  In the next post we’ll wrap up this networking series—“Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!”

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(Part Two in the Networking Series)

Networking is all about developing and nurturing relationships.  It’s exchanging ideas and connections that help both of you achieve your goals.  So your most important networking tool is simply to be interested in helping other people move forward.

As president of The Nierenberg Group, Andrea Nierenberg equips executives to “Find, Grow, and Keep”® the clients that are key to their success and helps them become better business communicators.  She’s written several exceptional books on networking, providing simple, practical tools and “how to” steps on networking techniques.  Million Dollar Networking has been a key resource on my bookshelf for several years.  I’m looking forward to reading her latest book, Savvy Networking: 118 Fast & Effective Tips for Business Success.

There are just a few things you need to network successfully.  (And remember, you never know when a networking opportunity presents itself!)

1. Business cards
2. Business card case
3. Small notebook
4. Pen

Business cards.  Make sure yours looks professional and has your contact information on it.  Include your social networking info (i.e., LinkedIn, FaceBook, Twitter, etc.).

Job seekers, business cards are a must even when you’re unemployed.  It’s the marketing piece that’s easy to give away after you’ve made a connection.  Check out http://www.vistaprint.com for a quick and easy way to create yours.  They will create and send cards to you for only the cost of shipping, if you agree to have their website address on the back of your card.  My suggestion: unless you are really financially strapped, pay the small cost of creating it without their website.  It looks a little sharper and more professional.

Business card case.  Use a business card case that allows you to separate your cards from those you get from others.

Small notebook.  As you network, you are going to get names, ideas, and make follow-up commitments to people you connect with.  Use a small notebook where you can keep your notes and promises.  It looks a lot better than scrambling for a piece of paper at the bottom of your bag or pocket.

Pen.  Pretty much explains itself!

Remember, networking is about giving first.  These tools provide support to the most important part of your networking strategy—asking how you can help someone else achieve their goals.

Worried about what to say and how to even begin a conversation?  The next post will help make that a whole lot easier!

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